Azov's Mare

Chapter 1

      Lexi sighed as Sharm Lord Sergei paced down the flower lined aisle. It was so romantic! Her father, marrying again, at last. She knew Diomid had loved Sasha, her blood father. But it had been a long time ago. Diomid deserved happiness again in his life.
      Kirina looked absolutely stunning in her Sergei white, but Diomid was spectacular. Despite the fact Kirina, by virtue of being both Sime and seven months pregnant had a huge head start in the looks department, her father was absolutely radiant.
      She thought Gens should marry. Heaven knew Lexi had been trying to find a permanent partner for nearly a dozen years now. Her current lord, Tanya, burrowed even more tightly against her and sighed. The young woman was stunningly beautiful, good with the hounds, but a feather head. Oh well, Gens didn't marry Simes for their brains, even though Lexi well knew Kirina had no lack in the intelligence department.
      None of the Karola's children lacked for brains. Sense occasionally, she gave Valtanir a swat to mind his manners and quit zlinning behind him. The lad acted as if she'd shoved a poker up his ass. Avilan looked back over his shoulder and glared at her.
      Lexi wanted to protest the unfairness of it, but knew better than to protest anything to her mentor when he was being paternal. Avilan was usually great, except when he thought something or someone was sniffing around his kids. And Valtanir was Avilan's youngest son.
      Her eyes widened as she caught a glimpse of Diomid's side through his loosely laced tunic. Tanya did more than that and licked her lips at the show. Only for such an occasion as this, did any Gen go out without the all encompassing kador, the heavy shielding garment Lexi had worn since she'd established.
      But seeing a Sharm Lord like Diomid, in what looked to be white paint beneath his heavily embroidered overtunic, was enough to take even Lexi's breath away. Normally she didn't much care for either men or other Gens, but Diomid was certainly scenic.
      She tucked Tanya even more firmly to her side and could feel Tanya's quiver of interest through Lexi's heavy robes. "I can smell you," she murmured in Tanya's ear, giving it a tiny lick.
      "I'm sure you can," she cocked her head to give Lexi better access. "He's gorgeous, but definitely Kirina's."
      Which was the entire point to the exercise, Lexi supposed. Give everyone a last look at the couple before they were permanently bonded. She'd tried to make a play for Kirina, but it had been an utter failure. Before she could even get her alone once, Diomid'd carted her off to Sergei. Foo.
      A proud smile lifted her heart as Diomid stood on his toes to kiss Kirina over their bound hands. Then she chuckled as she caught the flash of selyn. "Good for you," it was so romantic, Kirina taking her life long partner on the very dias at their handfasting. Lexi knew she'd never have the nerve for such a thing, but then that was what Simes were for. They had the nerve for nearly anything, once a Gen got them pointed the right direction!
     
      Valtanir, or Val as his childhood friends had called him, couldn't figure out what was making the back of his neck itch. His new clothes, all green now rather than the rainbow motley of a child were made of the same materials, if a great deal less worn.
      He'd been rather unfortunate in being the youngest of seven children for most of his life, and the smallest child of his parents, he'd never, ever gotten anything but hand me downs. This tunic was the first new garment he'd ever worn. The bright metalwork caught his attention again. He zlinned a dazzling rainbow glittering in the ambient.
      "Ow," he rubbed his wrist. Someone had hit him. His father looked back over his shoulder. The heat of his glare would have scorched Val's hair if it had been directed at him.
      "Are you all right?"
      "Yes, otyet," the familiar phrase in a world turned upside down steadied him some. He took a deep breath and made sure he wasn't zlinning this time. Kirina had been a right nuisance growing up, but he was glad to be able to see her marry at last. Now she'd only visit with the adults!
      Of course now he was nearly an adult too. This was something which took getting used to. Only the two little girls were left at home after him, and they were far younger than he was. Illyana and Falyana were cute ... when they were far away.
      There were undercurrents to his father's field Val didn't dare try to sort out. He'd tried once and nearly made himself sick. Then he could faintly zlin Diomid through the gap at the side of his tunic. Being hardly more than a week after change over, Val had never zlinned anything like Sharm Lord Sergei!
      He gaped at the magnificent field surrounding the man. No wonder Kirina had wanted him so badly as a partner. This was what some of his friends had been sniggering about behind the barn when Lexi had broken up their little chat.
      "Don't zlin," his father reminded him, unnecessarily blocking Val's ability to do so.
      He didn't protest. Val never protested his parent's orders. They did know better, despite what some of his friends had said about their parents. No, they weren't perfect, but they were a far better at judging the potential results of their actions than he was. For that much matter, they were a better judge of the results of Val's potential actions.
      He burrowed into his father's side more firmly. The temptation to zlin more than the very fringes of Diomid's field was too much. This was safety. His father would take care of him.
      The warm honey feel he knew was unique to his father surrounded him and protected him from the crowd. Few Simes as young as he would ever be allowed to watch such an important ceremony. But he'd promised to never once, even for an instant leave his father's side. It had been a very easy promise to make.
      Val knew he wasn't ready to be on his own. His first transfer had certainly shown him as much. He'd never been so out of control in his life! It had been awful. He knew that every month, from now until the end of his life he'd go through it, but he wasn't much looking forward to it. Transfer was all well and fine, if only it didn't require such a lack of control!
     
      "Get out!" A tea glass shattered on the door frame. Lexi ducked the following holder.
      "But Tanya," she tried to plead with her partner.
      "Out!" Another glass shattered into a million pieces. She should have never given Tanya anything breakable.
      "But where will I go?" Lexi put on her best, poor little sharm lord expression.
      "To hell for all I care," Tanya hefted the serving tray. Lexi bolted. The door rocked beneath the impact of the heavy platter. At least she didn't have to pick up all the glass. But Tanya would.
      "Don't cut yourself," she opened the door a crack.
      "Out!"
      Lexi slammed the door again. A guard at the end of the hallway was studying the ceiling. A blush burned her ears. She still had the use of the suite which her parents had once lived in. Even though she didn't have more than a spare kador in the closet.
      Slinking down the hallway, she tried not to be spotted. It was too embarrassing to be tossed out on her rear this way ... again. Not that Lexi didn't try to make her relationships work. Things had been going quite well for her and Tanya until she'd heard about Lexi's little indiscretion with Briana last week. Or had it been Kria three days ago?
      Neither of them could support Lexi in the manner to which she'd become accustomed. She liked having fine silk overtunics to show off the body her parents had given her. Even more she liked the silk underthings to show off to her lovers in.
      At last she made it past the guards and began whistling. "No, I didn't just get booted out of another lord's bedroom. No I didn't. I would have left soon any way." Her cheerful little song proclaimed.
      Checking behind herself, with more of her parent's kind gifts, she felt the guards zlinning her back. No, she couldn't let down her facade. A breeze stirred the rushes on the floor.
      More guards were posted outside of the Fatima suite, where Arkay was staying while visiting with Avilan and Karola. The Fatima guards seemed dark and forbidding in their silver and black. Lexi far and away preferred the green and gold of Azov.
      Azov guards stood outside the doors leading to the suite where the Lords Azov lived.
      "And stay out!" The door opened suddenly. A slender figure in Azov green was launched into the hallway.
      "But otyet!" A traveling pack bounced off his chest.
      "You heard your father," Karola's rich voice backed her mate to the hilt. Even though the hilt seemed to be stuck right through the poor lad's chest. "Grow up, Valtanir!"
      "But when can I come home?"
      "You can't," Avilan appeared in the doorway. Lexi ducked back behind one of the Fatima guards. He gave her a quick zlin and then froze. More people were coming into the hallway. "You have to find your own way."
      "You're throwing me out into the snow!"
      "It's September, you idiot," one of the guards muttered. Lexi chuckled and he gave her a wink.
      "Now, now, Valtanir," Arkay appeared behind her. He gave Lexi a look of surprise and then strolled around her as if she weren't there. "You'll be fine."
      "But otyet and mat' know what I'm supposed to do," his lower lip quivered. Lexi couldn't stand to see a Sime cry. She tried to come out to his rescue. A steel strong, Sime hand grabbed her shoulder.
      "Wait," Lord Fatima put a finger to his lips. Up close he was even more beautiful than at a distance. For him Lexi might rethink her preference for females. He was stunning. She nodded quickly, swallowing to try to wet her now dry throat.
      "You have to find out for yourself, Valtanir," Arkay knelt before the young man. "Spread your wings, little one. We can't take care of you for the rest of your life."
      "But I don't know how to do anything," he wailed. Lexi had never seen a Sime so insecure. Most youngsters were more than ready to move out when they matured. The dance of the larities was fun. Far more fun than any sport but hunting Lexi knew of. Hunting Simes was the best sport of all she reminded herself, a bit bruised feeling over having gotten kicked out of lord Tanya's suite.
      "Then we've been wasting all our time teaching you?" Karola put her hand on her son's shoulder. "Go on with you, Valtanir. You'll be all right. You're smart, you're strong, go on," she tipped her chin towards the hall.
      "Where will I stay? What will I do?"
      "Figure it out," Lexi muttered with a snort. Nashen chuckled in her ear. "It isn't tough."
      "Hush," his warm breath caressed her ear and made her head spin. She was ready for him, even if she only had a couple of days left until turnover. He patted her butt fondly. "You're too young for me. Go catch the little one."
      "He isn't ripe," she sighed. "Give him a few years first."
      "Take too long and someone else will grab him. Karola's children go fast." Nashen walked out into the crowd. "Well, Valtanir?"
      "What?" He sniffled and wiped away tears with the back of his hand.
      "What are you going to do now?"
      "Cry," his chin quivered.
      "That isn't going to get you food or selyn," he looked down at the young man. "Try again."
      "Uh," he looked around. Lexi wanted to help him so badly. She'd never seen a Sime look quite so lost. It was hard on young lords, as well she knew. They couldn't stay with their parents past the beginnings of adolescence, or they'd end up horribly spoiled by their Gen parent. Children of Sharm Lords or Lords in some ways had it harder, as they stayed with their parents until adolescence. The children of other nobles went to school at ten. "I don't know."
      "Try again," Nashen frowned a bit. Valtanir shrank back so far he bounced off one of the Azov guards. He yelped and danced forward, right into Arkay. This was as effective as running into a brick wall. Arkay simply looked down at him.
      Lexi saw his eyes roll up in his head. She dashed forward and caught him before he hit the floor. "Poor little thing," she glared up at all his parents towering over him. "What did you think you were doing?" Her hand brushed his hair back from his face. It was silky soft in its short renSime like cut. Lexi had never held such a young lord.
      "Trying to get him to leave," even Avilan looked exasperated. "We've been trying to get him to go for the last two and a half months!"
      "He's coming up on his fourth?"
      "Yes," Avilan crossed his arms over his chest. "He can't stay any longer."
      "I can't take him in," but of course he chose this instant to cuddle up to her. The heat of his body soaked right through her mid cycle kador. "I don't like men."
      "You work fine with me," Avilan blinked at her in surprise, "Oh, yes, fourth," he raised an eyebrow. "I doubt you're a virgin with men."
      "No," she lied, sorta. Well, there'd been the once she'd tried to have sex with a man. It hadn't worked very well. He'd been an oaf. She'd kicked him out long before he could get past slobbering on her breasts. Valtanir's arm snaked around her neck. It was like being molested by a very slow octopus.
      Avilan gave her 'the look' again. She should have known better than to try. "Well, sort of," she shrugged, gradually being enveloped by the youth in her lap. He couldn't be doing this in his sleep, could he? She looked down and found him trying to burrow into her overtunic. This wasn't going to get him days in her book. "Out of there," she removed his wandering hand.
      Four steel strong tentacles grabbed her hand in return. Shaking it did no good, they only latched on harder. Then one from his other arm tried wrapping around her throat. "Gach!" She tugged it loose. Well, it moved from her throat to her finger.
      "Valtanir," she addressed him sternly.
      "Yes, mat'?" His guiless blue eyes reminded her far too much of Avilan when he wanted something.
      "I'm not your mother," she frowned at him. This was a gesture she'd practiced. Most lords sucked their tentacles all the way into their sheathes when she gave them the frown. It didn't work. He only latched onto her harder and hid his face against her chest. "Would someone rescue me from this leech?"
      "You volunteered," Nashen gave her what had to be his equivalent to 'the look'. Arkay snickered. "Have fun." They stepped over her and joined the Azov household. The door shut behind them. All the guards were studying the ceiling. They were good at that.
      Lexi sighed and looked down at the limpet attached to her front. This would never do. "Get up, Vasha," she couldn't keep calling him by such a long name.
      "Don' wanna," he grabbed even harder. Her ribs were starting to protest.
      "Well, you're going to," she swatted him on the butt with her field. He yelped and scrambled to his feet. "Now that's better," she put her hands on her hips and realized he was actually a bit shorter than she was. Amazing. Most people were at least a little taller.
      "Well, I know one thing you can do to earn your keep," she knew a lazy smile had come to her lips. Vasha gulped audibly. "Come along," she headed for her suite to pick up a few things. He padded after her, obviously happy to have a leader. What a waste of good selyn.
     
      Val cursed as he heaved yet another shovelful of manure onto the pile. Any renSime could pick out the barns. His hands burned with the blisters now peeling from his palms and fingers. Two more loads and he'd be done.
      Muttering vile imprecations on all sharm lords, he eyed the shaggy black cow warily. She could kick like a Sharm Lord. And had. He still had the bruise on his thigh from her temper.
      Careful to not startle her, he reached over the partition and stroked her bony hip. She moved over calmly, still chewing her cud. Breathing a sigh of relief, Val picked out the straw behind her tie stall. He'd learned to whistle while he worked, even though most of the songs he whistled were prison dirges. The cows didn't care.
      One more smelly, filthy load and he'd be done. Val wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. The cow slapped him in the face with her urine soaked tail. He gagged.
      Gods he hated being Sime. As a child he'd never had such a delicate stomach. Now it seemed everything set it off. Taking a short break, Val went over to the pump and sluiced off his face. That was better. At least he didn't have to fight throwing up again. He'd done it twice already this month, earning no sympathy whatsoever from his jaoler.
      Back to whistling, this time a funeral dirge, for one Alexandrya Iliranova, Val finished off his final load.
      "You're late," Alexandrya looked up at the clock.
      "It's off," he growled, clutching the wooden pitchfork so hard in his tentacles it creaked alarmingly.
      "You break it, you make a new one," her green eyes were as cold as the slime on the bottom of a water trough. As Val should well know. He'd cleaned out all of them last week. The cow byre had been this week.
      "I know," he'd only broken one tool, a very worn, nearly bristleless broom. He'd thought it hadn't been worth much. He'd been wrong. Four hours later, and straw chaff in all of his tentacle sheathes, he'd had a new broom. His sheaths still itched thinking about it. He hadn't been clean in the two weeks since his tormenter had dumped him in the barn!
      "Better," she flicked off a bit of dust from her riding apron. How she stayed so clean was beyond Val's comprehension. It wasn't as if she didn't work. All hours of the day, and many of the night, she was looking right over his shoulder. Particularly every time he'd messed something up. "Are you ready to move up in the world?"
      "Yes!" He jumped at any opportunity to escape the cow byre.
     
      Lexi hated doing this to Vasha, but it was for the best. "Now get up there and rinse down the whole sty," she called to him on the catwalk. Squealing pigs glared at her through their little beady eyes. A boar even snorted at her. She narrowed her eyes and cast the thought of bacon at him. He ducked his head and turned his attention to his sows. "Better," she didn't much care for pigs, but she did like sausage. And pigskin was irreplaceable.
      Vasha was dead white as he clung to the wooden rail. From here she could see him swallow heavily. "Are you going to be sick?"
      "Yes," he gulped. Then he started to crumple. At least this time she didn't have to hold him. He caught himself before he fell into the muck, but that was all he caught. Lexi waited, rather impatiently for him to be done. He couldn't have eaten so much as for this to take long. Few Simes were quite this sensitive to stomach upsets, but Vasha would get over it. They all did ... eventually.
      At last he wiped his mouth and glared at her with bloodshot eyes. "Get up and get this thing cleaned up." The smell of his sickness, on top of the pigs was revolting, but she'd smelled worse. "Go on."
      "I won't," he set his jaw and for the first time glared at her.
      "Do it, Valtanir," she reached out with her field, nearly at its height. He flinched back and grabbed the hose. He'd feel better once he got the sty cleaned out, and hopefully he'd have the sense to rinse himself off as well. No longer did he wear the silk and cotton of a noble's child. Now Valtanir wore the rough wool and leather of a renSime. He had some lessons to learn.
      He wasn't dumb, Lexi noted as he turned the hose upward first and let the water sluice him off. The wool he wore would stay warm, even wet, which was why she'd taken away his silk. Then he sprayed down the sty, washing the manure into the pit waiting for it below the generator. Methane was very useful stuff.
      Of course he tried to get her wet too. She'd have expected nothing less. Her glare stopped that gesture before it got too close. "The pigs, Vasha," she reminded him. A renSime snickered at her back.
      "Yeah, we're not bein' pigs, puker," the renSime shot back. Lexi let Vasha get her with the hose. "Hey!" The pigs squealed at the shout.
      "Keep working," she reminded them. At last it was done. And so was he. As white as whey, he looked ready to faint. "OK, time for dinner."
      "I'll pass," he looked grimly at the animals below him. "Not hungry."
      "You will be," she told him. "But nothing until breakfast tomorrow if you pass on dinner tonight."
      The threat worked, "Yes, Alexandrya." He was a smart boy, just no backbone.
     
      Val forced himself to finish off the last bit of bread and cheese before his eyes closed on him. He was utterly exhausted. His limbs ached with every move he made, and even when he stayed still.
      "Did you clean your tentacles?"
      "Yes," he ducked his head, praying she wouldn't ask to inspect them. He hated it when she did. They were too private. It was like she was cleaning a stallion for breeding.
      "Let me see," she held out her hands, gloved of course. Reluctantly, Val coaxed his tentacles from their sheathes. Of course he'd scrubbed them as well as he could, but they were now permanently grungy with the work he did. "You're going to have to do better," she tugged them out the rest of the way.
      Val's face burned with his blushes as he saw the ring of filth at the base. They itched horribly, but there was nothing he could do about it. Oh well, if she asked him to strip and show her his other sheath, it would at least pass inspection. "Why haven't you been keeping them clean?"
      "Because I can't," he finally snapped.
      "Why not?" Her soft smile startled him so badly, his laterals licked out to taste the ambient. It was actually not so harsh as he would have guessed, even though he yanked them back as quickly as he could so as not to give offense. "Those are clean."
      "They aren't holding a pitchfork or brush all day," his blushes spread downward. The sudden awareness of her as Gen, not simply his master, startled him badly. He stammered and turned his face away. "Sorry."
      "When's your transfer?" At least she didn't sense for herself. Val took stock of his reserves and realized it was soon.
      "A day or so," he felt every millimeter his tentacles traced over her soft, silk gloves as they retracted into their sheathes. "Tomorrow, I think."
      "You don't know?"
      "No," he crossed his arms over his chest. Now that she'd mentioned it, he felt it. While he'd been working so hard, he'd managed to forget all about such things as need. "I'll be fine."
      "Have you had any thoughts about who you want?" Her voice was nearly sympathetic. Val jerked his head up and looked at her. While they were eating, she'd dropped her veil. The fact she hadn't replaced it only now dawned on him.
      "Lord Karola, I suppose," his mother had given him his testing transfer last month. It had been good enough. "Haven't had the chance to look around."
      "Oh?" She speared a piece of late melon with a fork and offered it to him. He took it, looking up at her through his eyelashes. "Why is that?"
      "I've been too busy," he swallowed hastily, nearly choking. "Sorry."
      "Didn't you look at any of the sharm lords out riding or working with you?" Her scorn rasped over his skin.
      "Should I have?" He hoped this was the right thing to do. Some of them had zlinned interesting, but he'd not dared do anything about it. He was a stable hand, they were nobles. He'd somehow failed his parents' expectations and now they wanted nothing to do with him.
      Lexi took off her gloves and set them on the table. The manual nakedness seemed horribly intimate to Val after two weeks of not having seen any Gen's bare skin. "Yes," she tipped his chin up to look at her. "That's why I put you out there. So you could zlin around and try to find someone."
      "I thought you wanted me to work," her hand was Gen soft for all the heavy callouses from her labors.
      "Not that hard," she chuckled, still making him look at her. "So, what are you going to do? It is your fourth."
      "I know," he hadn't felt any of the urges his father had told him of. But then he'd also said some people didn't beforehand. "Wish I could ignore it."
      "It won't go away, Valtanir."
      "I know," he shivered. His dinner sat like lead in his stomach with the uneasy conversation. "Give me a couple of days?"
      "You said you didn't have so long," her reminder made him grimace.
      "True," he wished he didn't have to deal with this. Life would have been so much simpler if he could have stayed with his parents. They knew what to do about things like need and sex. He didn't. It was unnatural. Stuff shouldn't come at him all at once like this. There should be some break between natural disasters. "Find a lord to give me my forth and then hold out for the next one, I suppose," he shrugged awkwardly. Personally he'd put off his maturity as long as physically possible. Sex seemed like such an awkward and messy business.
     
      Lexi couldn't help but sympathize with Vasha a little. He looked so lost and alone, even across the table from her. She'd moved into her office in the barn while closing up Azov for the winter, which seemed to be a good place for Avilan's youngest son.
      Now she wasn't so sure. He was growing at a tremendous rate, even though he'd never be as tall as his sibs. More that he was filling out. If only he would stand up straight. Well, maybe he had to fall on his face a few times first. She sighed and leaned back in her chair.
      One of the few privileges she took advantage of with taking her blood father's place at the head of Azov's animal husbandry division, was the access to good tobacco. She filled a pipe and lit it.
      "My blood father hates it when my other father smokes," he gave her a wink and half a smile. "Says it smells bad."
      "I like it," near transfer, the nicotine calmed her nerves. Although Lexi also enjoyed the rich taste and bite of the southern tobacco. "Would you like to try it?"
      "Sure," he sat up a bit straighter. His first puff was wildly unsuccessful, but after that he seemed to do much better. "This is good."
      "Yes," she managed to collect her pipe back. Lexi fished around on the shelf behind her desk. At last she managed to unbury her pipe rack. A slender, elegant meerschaum was nearly buried beneath a pile of papers. She'd never cared much for it, as the balance was all wrong for her heavier Gen fingers. But it should suit Vasha well. "Here," she offered it to him after cleaning out the stem.
      Without having to ask, he filled it neatly and lit it. Smart, very smart. He couldn't have seen anyone but her ever fill and light a pipe. It wasn't always the easiest task in the world. "I think Arkay's right," his eyelids were drooping a bit.
      She had to give him credit for being a hard worker, maybe a bit too hard. Most young Simes would have at least zlinned the young sharm lords learning to ride, hoping to get a glimmer of nager or the sight of a bare ankle. His body finally settled down to digesting dinner, helped along by the drug. This was more what she expected to see.
      If only he weren't so shenned young! His deep blue eyes turned to catch hers. They widened in surprise. He looked away quickly, not apologizing, but rather recognizing the fact he'd overheard her thought. This was one lord who'd not be waiting long for his ascension. But then only Kirina had dawdled around with getting herself formally ascended.
      His teeth clicked on the amber pipe stem as he sighed. "This is quite good," he murmured as he settled his chin on his hand. "Thank you."
      "You're quite welcome," the silence of the fall evening was only broken by the restless shuffling of a cow settling in for the night. Soon the nights would come to swallow the days. Before then, she had to figure out what to do with Valtanir. Setting Azov to rights for winter was long familiar and far, far easier.
     
      Val leaned back and enjoyed the soft, warm buzzing in his head. The slight dizziness seemed rather to be more that of contentment. For the first time since his change over, the world didn't seem to be quite so bad a place.
      There was a low fire lit on the tiny hearth in the corner of the room near an oversized couch. A couple of woven blankets told of Lexi's occasional use of her office as a bedroom. What would it be like to sleep peacefully again? He'd not had a good night's sleep since his parents kicked him out.
      He sighed and looked longingly at the couch. But then it probably wouldn't work. He'd been restless in his sleep before transfer the last two months. This month probably wouldn't be any better. Nothing to do but cope.
      "Hey," Lexi's field tapped him under the chin. It no longer hurt when she did things like that, but Val wasn't sure he enjoyed it either. "You don't look happy."
      "I'm not," he shrugged and inhaled deeply of the rich tobacco smoke. He'd never dared violate his blood parents' prohibitions on smoking as a child, but now that he tried it, he found it wasn't so bad. The heavy, dragging feel of his limbs hurting was not pleasant either, but without sleep, he'd never overcome it. "What are tonight's chores?" He knew Lexi should be getting some rest.
      "Don't you want to go to bed?"
      "No," the tobacco had a sort of winy tang beneath the rich bitterness. Daring to zlin a bit, he zlinned the blue-white smoke blur the ambient. It was actually rather pretty. "I can't."
      "Why not?"
      "Do you really want to know?" He was not going to turn in the renSimes he had been bedding down with for being human. If only Val were more like them. "I haven't been sleeping well. I'd rather not toss and turn all night."
      "Why didn't you say something?" Her brows furrowed, in what would have been concern if they'd been on anyone but Lexi's face. "No wonder you feel like hell."
      Val turned his face away. He knew his parents had the right to invade his field and body this way, but to have a near stranger do so was unsettling at best. His delicate stomach protested his concerns yet again, but at least the nicotine seemed to be doing some good in that department.
      "I didn't mean to intrude," Lexi rested one of her hands on their makeshift table, her desk. "Vasha."
      "I prefer Val," he refused her hand. He'd make a fool of himself if he touched her, even gloved. How he hated being Sime! "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap." He ran his fingers through his short hair. "I'll go back to the dorms if you don't have a night shift for me."
      "My uncle's name is Val," then she looked down. "It was."
      "What happened?" He stopped on his way to the door. It was getting late and he had to at least try to sleep, if he couldn't get any work done. The idea talking with and learning about Lexi could be construed as a valid part of his life was dismissed with hardly a glance.
     
      Most Simes were emotional to the extreme. Vasha, she couldn't think of him as Val, was as cold as the Moskva winter. He was too young to be so aloof. "Go play, Valtanir."
      "At your will," he bowed his head, even though his field was knotting so badly she was surprised he didn't fall on his nose. "How should I go about this?"
      "Go chase some sharm lords. Find a partner!" Lexi could well understand why his parents'd had to kick him out the way they had. He didn't move for anything but orders! "You aren't going to get a transfer off any ren."
      "How?" At last he snapped at her. "I don't know."
      Lexi leaned back and counted to ten. "Flirt, dance, talk with them." She never had a problem like this. "You are far from hard on the eyes."
      "I'm filthy," he extended his tentacles again.
      "Then get cleaned up!" Didn't this little idiot know anything?
      "So I can get dirty again tomorrow?" He rolled his eyes. "I don't think ... no, sorry."
      "Say something, damn you!" No one had gotten under Lexi's skin the way this young lord had in her life. With his big blue eyes and black hair, he was beautiful enough to stop any young sharm lord in their tracks. If he didn't have at least half a dozen of them panting after him with even half a try on his part, she'd eat her end cycle kador, without salt.
      "Something," his wry grin tried to slither in under Lexi's defenses. For a moment, her heart pounded as she realized how very Sime young Valtanir was. No, he was too young ... and too damn soft.
      "Get yourself laid, Val!"
      "At your orders," he didn't even slam the door behind him.
      "Overbred, overmannered, overobediant little snippet of a Sime!" Lexi slammed her fist down on her desk. It was a far substitute for the door slam any normal Sime would have indulged in. She put her face in her hands and wanted to cry.
      For Lexi had no one this month. Dealing with Vasha had taken every last bit of her admittedly slender resources in both time and social capital. Right now if she walked into court, she'd be laughed out on her ass. There were too many other twenty three to twenty five day sharm lords in the great house alone.
      With the coming winter, many of the outlying sharm lords were coming in as well. Soon the ratio of sharm lords to lords would be nearly three to two. Not good odds for someone subject to the often vicious rumor mill as a rakehell and libertine. Particularly one who preferred women.
      Sighing heavily, Lexi resigned herself to getting stripped every month from now until spring. It would be easier to set up the appointments now, before the rush. With spring would come a lot of work and she could easily double up with someone else to put a lord on half cycle.
      "Sooner begun is sooner done," it was nearly midnight, but tonight was low court and she'd not get a chance to talk with Karola until next week if she missed Lord Azov tonight. At least Karola was good at hard strips. Banking her libido until spring wouldn't be such a bad idea either.
      Lexi jogged back into the main building and up to her suite. She'd managed to rescue the rest of her kadors from Tanya's rooms and they had been hanged neatly in front of the stash her parents had left her. Over the years, Lexi had sold a few of them for the capital to generate a decent income to support these rooms.
      They weren't cheap. Sometimes she wondered how her fathers had managed. Alexander Azovich had never made very much money and he'd not received any great inheritance from his elder brother. Not that any Azovich had ever been rich in and of themselves, unlike say all of Fatima's great children.
      But her mother had given Lexi a very solid background in playing the selyn and goods markets, providing a way for Lexi to at least support herself. Her work ate up nearly three quarters of her selyn income alone. This mausoleum was nearly as expensive.
      The framed portrait of her blood father was no longer banded with black, and hadn't been since Diomid had lived here, even though Alexi had been long dead. It seemed he still smiled on his only child from over the mantle. She blew the image a kiss and dashed off to try to catch the very end of court.
     
      Shaking so badly he could hardly stand, Val looked around the edge of the open doors. Dozens and dozens of people were talking and laughing together in little knots. How was he supposed to introduce himself into any of those tightly knit groups?
      Now thoroughly scrubbed and wearing his one good lord's tunic, he slithered along the deeply carved wood. This was ridiculous. He looked like a fool. Tugging at his tunic with now very sweaty hands, Val gulped and headed for the open area.
      Music filled the gaps in various conversations. Its tempo was far slower than that of Val's heart. Most lords didn't go through this, did they? Nivanya, his brother Ilyan's partner never had. But then she'd have never thought twice about having all the nobility of any Demense watching her every move.
      Val almost wet his pants as he realized Azov was the largest of all five Demense. There were even that many more people looking and zlinning at him. His father no longer looked welcoming. If Val hadn't known better, he'd have said Avilan looked bored.
      Nearly terrified out of his mind, Val tried to bow to his father and show him his tentacles in formal obeisance as any other lord of Azov would do on appearance at court. But his tentacles would not come out!
      Panicked, Val stared at his arms and shook his hands frantically. Had he mistaken the soap for glue? He even tried scrubbing at them a bit. They only retreated further, knotting up painfully in their sheathes. His face was burning with his shame. It was simple. He was supposed to come up, bow and show Avilan his tentacles.
      "Easy," his father breathed, leaning forward. Val whimpered, still trying to get his tentacles unstuck. One brave dorsal peeked out and then knotted even harder. "Good enough." Then he spoke to the court, "Azov welcomes lord Valtanir Azovich Azov this evening. There is no pressing business, be free to join your peers, lord Valtanir."
      "At your will, my leige," this Valtanir could do. He bowed himself backwards and debated bolting for the door.
      "Hssst," someone was tugging on his attention. Val turned and found himself nose to nose with another young lord. Even though her eyes were even wider than he hoped his were. "Are you really his son?"
      "Yes," Val grinned and ducked his head a bit. A servitor had appeared at his elbow. He'd seen his older brother get drunk once on the clear fluid offered in the innocuous looking glasses. Val decided to pass on the guarantee of throwing up in the morning. He did it far too often with no help. The headache had not looked entertaining either. Val selected a glass of the nearly sweet cider his mother preferred at events like this. "I am."
      "Oh wow!" The young lord blinked in astonishment. "My name's Yana Toronova Azov, no relationship to him." Her tentacles were dancing with her infectious excitement, pointing to Val's father. "I only changed over a couple of months ago."
      "Me too," he couldn't help but grin back. Val started to say something about the likelihood for a good harvest when Yana ran right over the top of him.
      "Wait 'till I tell Sara and Berin!" Her tugging had not let off a bit. "Good thing you didn't take that clear stuff. Starka is dangerous. No one told me about the morning after. Nearly puked up my toenails." Val wasn't entirely sure this was appropriate conversation for court, even low court.
      "Oh it's awful," another very young lord was sipping at some juice. "Horrible. I'd never been so sick in my life."
      "You always say that, Berin," another young lord scratched at her bare ear. "I knew better," she winked at Val. "I'm Sara, Valtanir," a faint blush came to her nager. "Sorry, my fourth was last week." The look she gave him was decidedly uncomfortable.
      "Can I get you some more to drink?" He noted she'd finished her glass of water. Or at least he hoped it had been water. Val's tentacles finally decided to reappear and were twining around the glass he held in ever shifting patterns.
      "No, thank you," she looked over his head. "If you'll excuse me," Sara's tentacles flicked from their sheathes as well. Val zlinned a very scantily clad sharm lord bearing down on them. He got out of the way.
      "Would you like to dance, my lord Azov?"
      Sara's face fell. Val brushed her nager with his, all the while trying to remember how to get out of this politely. If he tried to dance, he'd certainly make a fool of himself.
      "Would you like something to eat, my lord Azov?" Another of those green clad, veiled figures appeared out of nowhere.
      "I saw him first," Val caught a flicker of nager from the first sharm lord to appear. His eyes tried to roll up in his head.
      "Don't cheat, Domi," the second growled. "Go find someone your own age."
      "A four month is yours, T'lani?" As Domi crossed his arms, Val nearly fainted. Even with the shielding kadors, both sharm lords had to be high field to drive him crazy like this.
      "Now, now," a third bore down on them. Val's erstwhile companions vanished like so much morning mist. How did they do that? He wanted to dissolve into the green and white tiles beneath his feet. "I know you are probably not used to the press, lord Valtanir. Would you like a breath of fresh air?"
      In October, in the middle of the night? Not likely! Val shivered violently.
      Finally someone came to his rescue, "Do you know anything about reworking ribbon embroidery?" A female sharm lord, even smaller than himself, held out a rather tattered sleeve.
      "Yes, first you have to find some good silk thread, the same color as the ribbon ..." he rattled on about how to redo the roses coming apart on the sleeve of her kador. Before he knew it, he'd gone and swiped the sewing kit he'd hidden beneath his bed upstairs and was showing sharm lord Katrina how to make butterflies out of silk ribbon and thread.
     
      Lexi looked on in pride as she saw Vasha nearly head to head with an equally young sharm lord, both bowed over some sort of entertainment. His partner laughed and Lexi could sense the young woman's field trying to tempt the lord sitting so very close to her, even through her kador.
      This was as it should be, even as a pang in her heart made Lexi very sure her nager was contained. It would not do to be zlinned showing any regret for Vasha finding a partner. He was far too young for her, and truth be told, far too spineless. Lexi preferred far more strongwilled, and adult, lords. Or at least as adult as any lord could ever approximate.
      With the grace of long practice, Lexi knelt to her mentor and step father, Sharm Lord Azov.
      "Get up," he wrinkled his nose at her and held out his arms. She hugged him tightly, glad to see him looking so well. She'd heard he'd been a bit off since he'd had to kick Valtanir out of the nest. "You look good."
      "I could say the same for you," she thumped his back solidly. If only she could find a man as good as her fathers, then maybe she'd think of bonding to a male. But they were few and far between.
      "Has the rumor mill been fussing about my health again?"
      "Always," she grinned at him, taking a seat at his side and watching the court with him. "You know lords."
      "Oh yes," he sighed, chuckling. "When they aren't fretting over their sharm lord, they're fretting over the weather." Then he threw her for a loop. "How's Valtanir?"
      "Doing all right, I suppose," he seemed entirely oblivious to the rest of the room at the moment. Lexi would be a bit more comfortable if she could see what had the two of them so fascinated. Even though there was little trouble they could get into in the middle of court. "Who's the sharm lord?"
      "Name's Katrina. A twenty two, heading for twenty three. Good girl, just green as grass and not getting better," he sighed, resting his chin on his hand. "It's like she's not quite wired right."
      "Vasha seems well enough interested," rarely had Lexi heard Avilan speak so negatively about anyone. "Do you think they'll try for this month?"
      "I wish Valtanir had come to court before now," his growl raised Lexi's hackles.
      "I had to nearly shove him out the door and force him to come here tonight, Avilan," she grumbled. "He didn't want to go."
      "No, he never really has," Avilan sighed again. "Of all our children, after Sevrin, Valtanir is the oddest. It's like he has no backbone at all, even though he's no dummy either. Anything Karola or I said, he'd do instantly. Never a moment of backtalk or rebellion."
      "I tried to get him to push back a bit and nearly crushed him with work," Lexi admitted.
      "He looks good," Avilan chuckled softly and sat up straight. "Fairly healthy, if a bit thin."
      "That's because his stomach has been bothering him."
      "Ouch," Avilan flinched. "How bad?"
      "Not sure," Lexi realized. "No more than once or twice a day."
      "Too much, Lexi," his deep blue eyes went hard. "Don't break him."
      "I'm trying not to," she pleaded with him. "But he's so damn malleable, it's tough. I tell him to clean out the water buckets, and by the time I turn around, he's scrubbed every single water container within ten kilometers! And scrubbed them so clean they could be mistaken for new."
      "You're exaggerating, Lexi."
      "No I'm not," she waved her hand towards the young lord. "Look at his hands."
      Avilan paled a bit. "I can see, yes," to any one who could sense fields, the angry weeping blisters on the young man's hands were apparent from across a room. "Well, what are we going to do?"
      "I've been trying to get him to reach for a riding position. I know he can ride nearly as well as my blood father." This had become a saying in Azov for anyone who was a natural horseman. "But he wouldn't budge even after I had him hose out the pig sty."
      "Are you sure he knows he can ask for any position and earn it by proving his abilities?"
      Alexandrya had to think about this for a bit. "I think he knows it in his head, but doesn't know in his heart he can do it." She tapped her fingertip against her lips, earning the stares of every single Sime within reach of the dias.
      "Well, maybe that's your next step." Avilan raised an eyebrow at her. "Speaking of moving on, Alexandrya."
      Glad she had on her heaviest kador, "Yes, m'Lord Azov?"
      "When are you going to claim your ascension?" He pointed to her still bare wrists. "You've been a Sharm Lord for over two years now. Maybe it's time for you to grow up some as well."
      "I don't want to!" Lexi thought of all the things she'd have to give up. Parties along the river banks in summer. Hunting every fall in the forests. Snowshoeing and skiing in the winter. Even fishing and camping in the spring. It would be horrible. She'd be shacked to a suite and the barns forever then. "You can't make me."
      "No, I can't. But I can make sure you stop playing with those beneath your station," Avilan's eyes went hard again. "If you don't claim your ascension by Year's Turning, you will be banned from all lords in transfer."
      Lexi wanted to protest this high handed cruelty. However, it wouldn't do any good. She was in the wrong in this case. "Does that mean I can claim impersonals from Karola?"
      "As many as you like, Lexi. But I'll tell you one thing, after a few months of impersonals, you're going to feel like you've been under ban." His gaze was challenging. "Find a lord to ascend or catch a Lord for yourself, Lexi. Grow up finally."
      "I do good work," she looked out over the court, counting how many of her peers were here. It didn't take more than a moment. Most had paired off and had left early. Only bachelors and very young people remained. Nearly all the sharm lords had vanished entirely.
      "Work is not all of life," one of her mother's favorite sayings, from her step father, gave Lexi pause. "It took your mother years to learn it. How long will it take her daughter?"
      "I've never neglected my partners," her mother had been brutally honest with Lexi in some ways. Probably for the best, as Lexi had never quite managed to make the same mistakes her mother had. Of course not pissing off the Veiled probably helped. Lexi gave a brief prayer they'd overlook her momentary impiety. "Have you heard any complaints?"
      "No, but you've never settled down, either."
      "I want to," she grimaced.
      "Then find someone to settle down with and do it!"
      "I thought I had in Tanya," Avilan could be far too easy to talk with sometimes. Even worse than Diomid.
      "Then why did you sleep around on her?"
      "Tanya never said I couldn't."
      "But she never said you could, either." Avilan sighed. "Or at least you could have asked."
      "How do you know so much about it?'
      "I am Lord Azov, Lexi," he gave her a wry grin. "I hear all the gossip."
      "Oh," she blushed furiously. Lexi figured it could have been worse, exactly how, she wasn't sure, but fate had a kick like a mare who didn't want to be bred.
     

Chapter 2

      Val scrubbed his face and hands clean as fast as he could. Lexi had given him the afternoon, and all of tomorrow off work. This would be the first break he'd had since he started working in the barns.
      Taking the steps two at a time, he dashed up the front porch of the townhouse. Katrina'd promised to be waiting for him, and he hoped she'd be able to get away. Val had barely managed to drag himself into work this morning, even though from the zlin of her, Lexi had gotten even more potted than he'd zlinned last night.
      Oh well, her problem not his. Val slowed as he neared the blast doors. "Halt and be recognized," when reciting things from memory, even the renSimes had regular diction.
      "I am lord Valtanir Azovich Azov. I have been asked for by sharm lord Katrina Liranova Azov at official dusk." Even though it was currently only the middle of the afternoon. Val's heart pounded as he fretted the difference. He knew some lords came and went as they please, but no one had said he could. Sweat beaded on his brow as he waited for the clerk to decide.
      "At your will, lord Azov," he waved towards the doors. "Don't you two know anything?" His parting shot to the guards gave Val pause. "If lord Azovich wants you to hold his dick when he takes a piss, you do it, idiots!"
      "We didn't but know," the panicked reaction of the guard nearly made Val retrace his steps. But his blushes would have done nothing to settle the matter.
      "The fact he needs someone to hold his dick only makes it worse." Val blushed furiously. This was awful. Was this how people thought of him? "Now get it though your thick skulls he's not quite right in the head."
      "Hey," Val whispered, a slow burn of anger replacing his unease.
      "Too right," one of the guards chuckled. "Never but be zlinning so spineless an excuse for a lord. M'friend in the stable says he puked the first time he had te de so much as be gettin' his tender white hands near a cow's teats."
      "Think he's gonna puke first time he get's near a Gen's teats."
      "I would," the first made a retching sound.
      "Enough, you two," the lord snapped. "Don't be running down your betters so."
      "You were."
      "Yes, but I'm a lord and you're a ren. Keep your filthy mouths off him."
      "'Cause ye wan' te?"
      "Of course not," there was a sharp crack, as if someone had been slapped. Val grimaced and slunk away. He'd only do more harm than good if he went back. Someone should deal with such vulgarity and rudeness, but it certainly wasn't him. That somebody was an adult, not an half grown lord.
     
      Maybe mixing her annual examination and her first of many impersonal transfers wasn't such a good idea. Light gleamed off the scissors before her on the tray. Lexi cringed away from them, her stomach turning as badly as Vasha's ever had.
      Faced with cutting her hair, now she wasn't entire sure she could deal with going onto lord's transfer.
      "You're getting a bit old for this sort of nonsense, Alexandrya," one of her father's lieutenants, Gregory Sergeyevich, tapped his stylus on the wax tablet. "So, why are you here?"
      Through a throat suddenly as dry as sawdust, "Annual pelvic and production exam."
      "I can't do it when you're in need," he glared at her, as if she could do something about it herself.
      "Then get a twenty seven day lord in here and have her strip me," Lexi barely remembered to make the conversion. Azov was nearly four days ahead of Sergei.
      "For the exam?" He made a wave with his hand toward the scissors. "Clever Lexi."
      "Been here before," she sighed and leaned back against the padded seat. "I'll probably end up getting it cut, but not if I can weasel out of it."
      "I don't want your problems, that's for sure," he set down the tablet. "Let's do the physical part of this first and then I'll call for Lord Karola."
      "She's available?" Lexi paused in the midst of tugging off her gloves.
      "As long as you promise to make appropriate cooing noises at the baby." He grinned, nearly as smug as the new parents must be.
      "I think I can manage," Lexi hid her shiver expertly. One advantage to only sleeping with women, she'd found, was a lack of concern for pregnancy. And Lexi liked it that way. She had plenty to do keeping up with foals, calves, lambs, piglets and other young animals.
      The question and answer session must not have changed since the time of the ancients. How many sex partners have you had? What form of birth control are you using? Are you getting enough sleep? What sorts of things do you eat most? And so on, ad nauseum. It was deadly dull. Lexi briefly wondered if she should sometime write down the whole sequence on parchment and let her physician copy it. She'd had nearly the same answers to those questions since she was fifteen!
      "All right, Sharm Lord Alexandrya."
      "What?" She gave him 'the frown'.
      "You heard me," and only now did she note the single bracelet decorating his wrist. "Yes, I'm doing exams now. On the scale."
      A bit taken on the curb, Lexi stepped onto the measuring device. It beeped and she looked down. "Eighty two and twenty two percent," he scribbled these notes on his tablet. "Stand in front of the screen please," he waved towards it.
      Meekly, Lexi did as he bade. This was not going the way she'd expected. When did Gregori get his ascension? He'd not been much of a sharm lord, even though he did have the Sergei gifts, even if in fairly minor degree. A snort greeted her ruminations and she blushed down to her toenails.
      "Sorry," she wished she could remember not to think so loudly when she was naked. In her kador few people could overhear her thoughts, even if she screamed them to the aether. Her hands were smooth and white from not having been exposed to the sun since she was a child.
      "I hear all kinds of things, Lexi," he chuckled and turned to the intercom. "Strip, twenty eight in three o' two."
      "Twenty eight?" Lexi blinked. She was a match for Karola? That was an odd thought. Had she really grown in the last year?
      "Yes, actually," Gregory made a few more notes and set down his chart. "You could well make an Azov twenty eight if you ever got off your ass and worked for it."
      "And loose all those potential transfer partners?"
      "Not like you're going to get them anywhere else Lexi," his light blue eyes turned hard for an instant. "Sharm Lord Azov put us all on notice. You won't be pulling any lords from Sergei unless you ascend them."
      "That's not fair!" Lexi jumped to her feet.
      "Fair or not, that's life," Kirina entered the room. Her face was actually softer than Lexi had ever seen it before, as if something more wonderful than any human could ever expect to experience had happened to her. "Yes, my son, Miran is healthy and doing well."
      "Congratulations," the fact Kirina was Valtanir's sister hadn't really sunk in before. Now it did and Lexi found herself drooling a bit. Certainly Kirina had a depth it would take years for her brother to match, but the same quicksilver field was unmistakable. For a moment, Lexi had to pause and gather her wits. She couldn't' be thinking of taking, and ascending Valtanir? Foolishness. He was years from his ascension and years younger than she was.
     
      Val's hands were sweating as he fumbled the catch on Katrina's veil. She chuckled softly, a bit tight with need, he hoped, as her hand met his. Her eyes were smokey dark with a longing for something Val had never felt. Her hand too was shaking a bit as the metal threaded cloth fell away.
      For the first time in his adult life, Val looked full in the face of a Gen who was not a relative or a teacher. His heart was racing as he dared zlin. Katrina turned her face away, her nager skittering with nervousness. "It's all right," his fingertips traced over her slender shoulders.
      "I haven't done this before," her lower lip was caught in her teeth.
      "Neither have I," his voice broke ignominiously and Val blushed. Katrina giggled and ran her cool Gen fingertips over his upper arm. The touch seemed to go straight to his head. But even so there was a distance to it and his stomach clenched at the dissonance.
      "Excuse me," he held his arms to his waist, trying to get everything under control.
      "What is it?" Her hood fell back and shimmering rainbow of unfettered selyn danced through the ambient. It danced on Val's nerves with hobnailed boots.
      "Something I ate," cold, clammy sweat trickled down his flanks as the skin on his scalp seemed to shrink.
      "Should I call someone?" Her eyes flicked towards the emergency com in the corner.
      "Give me a moment," he leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. The horrible swooping, falling sensations stilled a bit without the conflict between his vision and his other senses. He took a deep breath, willing his damned stomach to settle. After the crude comments of the renSimes earlier, he'd be shenned before he gave in again to his body.
      "Val, you're dead white," Katrina's voice made his eyes snap open. "I'm scared, Val."
      "Call," he bolted for the bathroom.
      "Room two fourteen, red two, repeat red two," Katrina's voice shook, but was blessedly clear.
      Val praised all the gods in heaven for her quick thinking as his body tried to reject everything he'd eaten since change over. It wasn't getting any better. He hurt, oh gods he hurt. Even his hair hurt. No one had ever said growing up would hurt like this.
      "Room two fourteen, what is the count?"
      "Oh shen," he could hear her run back to the com.
      "I don't know. It's Valtanir," panic made the poor young woman shriek. "Get a team here, stat!"
      "Try to stabilize him, a team's on the way."
      "Val, Val," Katrina's cool arm wrapped itself around his heaving shoulders. It had never been this bad before. Usually once he'd emptied his stomach, it stopped complaining for a little bit. "I'm here," she wiped his sweating brow with a damp cloth.
      "Thank you," he gulped, trying to breath through his muscles locking on him. "I wish ..." he couldn't put into words how sorry he was for not being able to do anything for her.
      "I know," her soft lips were so wonderfully cool on his temple. "I know."
      "Thank you," he sagged sideways with the release of the muscle spasms. "Oh gods I hurt."
      "Rest here with me," there was no pressure on him now, only a lassitude finally creeping through his limbs. Val knew this was a bad sign, but the peace it gave him was too wonderful to deny.
      "Oh gods, get here," Katrina whimpered, her field seemingly fading away to darkness. This wasn't supposed to happen. Gens were supposed to dim like this. "Someone, anyone," her pleading fell on nearly deaf ears. It was as if she were far away, down a long dark tunnel.
     
      Raphael nearly went through the damned door. Why had the shenned operator waited to ask who it was? A red two was nearly the most critical status in the book. Only a red one, complete cessation of circulation or a black, a kill, were worse.
      Right behind him, Dominic carried the special emergency supplies for Lords. There were things in there he hated using, but his partner could with a fair degree of safety.
      "Oh shen," Raphi hadn't waited to hear who'd gone down. "Get out the wet pack," he slid so he wrapped Valtanir in his nager as well as his arms. He wasn't much of a Sharm Lord, but Val's condition had to be painfully obvious even to the little three month sharm lord holding him.
      "Clear," Domi called out. Damn he was good. Raphi pulled the young woman back, nager and body both. The sharp scent of carmech turned Raphi's stomach, but Valtanir came out of his stupor with stunning speed.
      The nails on slate rasp of artificial need grated on Raphi's nerves. The young sharm lord he held shuddered and then began crying against his chest, even though she had to be in deepest need. "It will be all right," he stroked her soft hair. It was still so short it barely touched her delicate, shell like ears.
      "You'll be fine," he looked up as Domi managed to drag out Valtanir's laterals. Valtanir's face was a mask of bewildered anguish. He was not ready for this, none of it. Both he and Domi had heard of the problems Valtanir'd faced, but had tuned them out as mere rumors. Now he wondered. "I'll see you get a good transfer."
      "But I wish," her voice shattered. "I wanted him."
      "Oh, little one," he rocked her gently. "There will be other lords for you."
      "I wanted Val," the protestation of loyalty tugged at Raphi's heart. "But if this is best," she started to turn her head.
      "No, don't look," he held her close, as he would have a child of his body. "You don't want to see this." Neither did Raphael. Valtanir was fighting Domi with everything he had. Even the fact he was nearly in attrition did nothing to open his nager to Raphi's partner.
      "Do it, Domi," Raphael closed his eyes. "My word as Sharm Lord Raphael Azov."
      "Shen," Domi's raspy voiced curse made him flinch, but Raphi could feel Valtanir's heart failing. The ambient seemed to solidify and then shatter into a million pieces. The cry of a kill shattered the hissing of his own harsh breaths.
      He bowed his head over Katrina's. Now she'd never have the chance at young Valtanir. He was now Lord Valtanir, and if he didn't find a true partner in the next six months or so, he'd be dead. But then Raphi reminded himself, if he hadn't given Domi the order to ascend Valtanir, he'd be dead now.
     
      Lexi had a bit more sympathy for Vasha this morning. Her whole body ached from her hair to her toenails. She rolled over in bed and buried her head under the pillows. Why wasn't it winter yet? She still had work to do.
      Grumbling at the unfairness of it all, Lexi put on her lightest work kador and thinnest gloves. At least she was no longer high field, even though the pelvic examination had been excruciating yesterday, as she'd not managed to get at all post even with Kirina yanking down Lexi's field with all her substantial might.
      Seemed Lexi had gotten considerably tougher than the last time she'd gotten stuck with lord's transfer. It wasn't fair. All she wanted as a partner. Was it too much to ask she not go through the rest of her life alone? Even her mother had managed to find a permanent partner after she'd left Lexi's fathers.
      The sun hadn't come up yet, not this late in the year, as Lexi stumbled off to her chores. Milking cows was not particularly taxing, even though all Lexi could do was supervise. At last she made it to the warm, familiar barn. Breathing deeply of the wonderful odors of sweet straw, rich hay and heathy animals, her heart lightened. This was what she loved.
      The slender backs of the renSimes, bent over on their stools were the same as always. Even Valtanir was here. She blinked in confusion. Lexi thought she'd put him on seclusion. Even though her own fourth had been royally messed up, she'd not wanted his to be a disaster.
      Then she reached out to sense his field. It was nearly black, and twisted into tight knots, but the unhealthy churning was gone. What had happened? He shouldn't be out of bed with a nager like that. Even though as he rested his forehead on the cow's flank, Lexi didn't want to disturb him.
      He looked nearly peaceful like that. A far cry from the timid young man she'd first brought out to the cow byre. But that wasn't fair either. He'd not really been timid, had he? With her recent poor transfer, Lexi felt a sort of gentle sympathy for young Valtanir.
      Finishing within minutes of the renSimes, he poured his bucket into the trough with the rest. Other renSimes came in to herd the cows out to the surviving fall paddocks for what little sunshine was to be had before winter. Vasha was leaning heavily against a post.
      "Ye arigh?" One of the renSime who'd formerly tormented Vasha horribly was looking down at the young man sympathetically.
      "Yes, Vassily," he gave an off center smile and shoved himself off the post. "I'll be fine." His field seemed to slide away from hers. "Let me talk with her for a moment," he tipped his chin towards Lexi.
      "I'll be lettin' ye," Vassily winked and hurried out.
      "Yes, Alexandrya," it took another deep breath and a flinch for Vasha to straighten up completely.
      "You look like hell, Valtanir," she tried to put as much sympathy into her eyes as she could. "Want to talk about it?"
      "No," he turned his face away. "But I probably should." Lines formed around his mouth and eyes, the first she'd seen on his face.
      "Not in my barns. Not if you don't want to," she put a hand on his shoulder. He patted it, as she would a horse's shoulder and the gesture was actually rather comforting. "I have a couple of horses I have to get worked this afternoon."
      "Don't you have ... lords in lessons?" His pause before the rank made Lexi look at him more closely.
      "Don't say it," his jaw clenched. "I'm no longer throwing up everything I eat," he snorted darkly, "for the next few months until I'm dead."
      "Val," she licked her lips behind her veil. "What happened?"
      "I couldn't even manage to be a normal Sime," his face reddened, whether in anger or shame Lexi couldn't tell. He turned his face towards the loft. "It was an emergency ascension. I didn't kill. But I almost did kill," his eyes were dead as he looked at her again. "Katrina."
      "You made the right choices, Valtanir," new respect for him brought a new image of Vasha to her eyes. No longer did he look quite so young, so unformed. Now she could see the Sime in his movement, his eyes and it called to her. "I'm proud of you."
      "Thank you," he took her hand from his shoulder and kissed the back of it. "I appreciate your support."
      "You have it," she promised. This she could do for him, as she'd been trying. "Now, about those mares."
      "As long as it isn't because of my parents," his jaw clenched again and she could see the open doors reflected in his eyes. There was a longing for freedom there which was irresistible "Do you want to learn to hunt?"
      His eyes turned to saucers as he looked her in the eyes. Then he smiled like the four month lord she knew him to be. "Yes!" He breathed, clasping her hand. "I am so sick of the barn, I would be happy never to come back in here again."
      "You'd miss the cows," she told him.
      "True," he admitted with a soft chuckle. "But I could do without cleaning stalls."
      "You didn't have to do all of the barns in one day, Valtanir," she shook her head.
      "You told me to clean the stalls," his confusion was palpable.
      "In the one byre, Valtanir!"
      "Oh," his sheepish grin broke through like the sun after rain. "I should have asked."
      "Yes, open your mouth sometimes," she shook his hand for emphasis.
      "I'll have to try it."
     
      Like all of the children of Azov, Valtanir had trained his own horses. Even though in this, like in all things, he'd ended up with his elder siblings' castoffs. Pulling his saddle off the rack, he nearly squashed his still relatively new tentacles as he tossed it over his arm. They guarded his laterals with lightning speed.
      Lexi raised an eyebrow at him but said nothing, thankfully. The battered old thing had seen more generations of children than Val wanted to know about. He sighed and put it over the rail of the tie stall and reached for his mare's bridle.
      She snuffled him kindly with her graying muzzle, as if trying to figure out a stranger. The confusion in her soft amber eyes was painful. "It's me little Lashka," he crooned into her flicking ears. "It's little Val. Come to take you out for a walk."
      "Vasha ... Val, do you really want to ride her?" Lexi brought out a big, strapping stallion. He'd wondered who rode Melekush, as he'd bucked him, and all his near sibs off at one point or another in their education as horsemen. He'd even managed to dump Ilyan so hard he'd broken his collarbone! The only person he'd seen stay on the big stud for more than a few minutes was Arkay.
      "She's sweet," even though she wasn't even a Teke, but rather a Trakh like the rens rode. Being on the bottom of the heap, Val hadn't wanted to whine his way right out of riding altogether. He'd figured better to ride a nag than not at all. Not that Lashka was a nag, just old. "And I don't mind if you call me Vasha."
      "Grow a backbone Val," Mele took a swipe at Lexi she tugged so hard on the girth. She popped him on the nose and he glared at her. The glare was mutual. "You don't require any more backbone, Mele." The horse only looked over her head. "However you do have to listen to me." One ear flicked in Lexi's direction. "Yes, you," she tapped his nose and he finally lowered his gaze.
      Val had to smile at the little discussion. It was so much like those Arkay had with Kika. "So, how do I grow this backbone?"
      "What do you want, Val?" She turned to him and put her hand on her hip. "Well?"
      It wasn't something he'd thought about much. "I like riding," he stroked the side of Lashka's smooth face. Even though her cheek felt faintly cool now, not warm as it had when he'd been a child. The dissonance was painful in the extreme. Even this had been taken from him. Long hours alone, walking though the forests nearby on her back had filled many empty afternoons for a younger Valtanir. "I like needlework." He admitted shyly. "I like the cows and sheep and goats as well as horses."
      "Not pigs?" Lexi's eyes were soft behind her translucent veil.
      "No, not pigs," he shuddered at the memory of cleaning down the sty. They were filthy, disgusting animals. "Even though they weren't as bad clean."
      "What about the hawks and hounds?"
      "No, not as much," he tipped his head, trying to think about it. "I don't know about their fierceness. I think it's beautiful, but scary too."
      "Why did you say you wanted to go hunting?"
      "It was expected," he turned his attention back to his mare. She was familiar, unlike the uneasy conversation.
      "Val," Lexi's hand landed on his shoulder again. For an instant, he wished he could brush his cheek against it. "Why do you do only what other people want you to?"
      "Because they know better," his throat tightened up on him again. Why couldn't people just leave him alone? Like so many afternoons, he longed to ride out thataway, and not come back for hours. He'd done so as a child. As an adult, never again.
      "You know right from wrong too, Val," her hand tightened briefly. "You did right yesterday."
      "How do you know?" Guilt at having failed Katrina so desperately tore at him again and he sobbed into Lashka's heavy black mane. Gods it'd hurt having to turn her away. She'd so looked forward to having a personal transfer. It was tough for many of the youngest sharm lords to get them. He bit at his lower lip until he tasted the sweet copper of blood.
      "Don't hurt yourself, Val," Lexi stroked his back. "You are alive and have a chance to live. So is she. Let it go."
      "But I should never have promised more than I could give," he tightened his hands in Lashka's mane.
      "Did you know you couldn't give a normal transfer?"
      "What?" He turned to look into her face and realized she'd dropped her veil. "Why not?"
      "I can tell you are much, much healthier today, Val," her green gold eyes held only sympathy. "Perhaps your body was rejecting the backflow from those channels in your mind which make a Lord. I don't know. I'm not the physician. You'd have to ask my father, Diomid."
      "He's your father?" Lexi looked nothing like the massive Sharm Lord Sergei.
      "Oath father," her wry grin was utterly fascinating. "My blood father was Lord Alexander Azovich."
      "Oh," there was little Val could say to this. He'd always thought of Lexi as rather a fixture in the barns and paddocks of Azov. How she'd come to be there had never crossed his mind. "Lexi." He paused to take a deep breath.
      "Yes, Valtanir?" She'd stripped off her gloves as well and was brushing the tears from his cheeks.
      "Help me learn who I am." He held her hands to his face with his. "I do know this feels good."
      "It's a start," she smiled and her soft, cool lips brushed his forehead.
     
      "So," Lexi's heart was pounding with the absolute, stunning beauty of Valtanir's field throwing dizzying spirals into the ambient. It was as if he'd opened a box of rainbows. "Who do you want to ride?"
      He bit at his lower lip and looked around the barn. His eyes were bright with excitement as he looked back into hers. Cute did not begin to describe it. If only he were a few years older! Oh well, he'd find some other young Sharm Lord and she could then cheer them on. "I'd like to ride Mira."
      Lexi couldn't help but raise an eyebrow in surprise. Then she realized Mira was now an older, rather sedate broodmare and not the rakehell mare she'd been ten years ago when Alexi had trained her for Lord Karola. "Oh?" She looked pointedly at Lashka, who admittedly was an excellent mare for beginners, but she knew full well Val could ride Mele if he put his mind to it.
      "Who would you suggest?"
      "You're backsliding," she popped him one with her nager. He jumped as if she'd goosed him.
      "So I am," his long, dark eyelashes fluttered down over razor sharp, high cheekbones. Lexi had to get at least another ten kilos on this lad, and soon. He was far, far too thin. Too thin for what, Lexi didn't really want to think about at the moment. "I'd like to ride Dara."
      The midnight black mare, one of the first by Vayer's Chernye was a pip, but stunningly beautiful and with excellent gaits. This would be something to see.
      "Use my father's old saddle," Lexi pointed to the magnificently worked Lord's saddle which had been collecting saddlesoap and oil for the last two decades. "It should fit her."
      Val looked like he'd been run over by a gang plow. Before she could say anything more, he put up Lashka with a gentle pat and promise to turn her out.
      This was much better, Lexi noted as Val replaced his battered old student's saddle, which was about to fall apart, with the one Sasha'd made for himself. His fingers and tentacles caressed the ultrafine tooling he'd put into the skirts in reverent awe. As a young sharm lord, Lexi had tried to match the sort of work her father'd done, and never had any luck. He must have augmented a great deal to do some of it.
      Then he replaced Lashka's heavy, quite functional bridle with Dara's beautifully beaded and braided one. The difference in tack, or Val was unmistakable. He held his head up high now, looking out over the barn as if he owned it, which he did in a way. Then he got out Dara and the transformation was complete.
      She was being more than a pip today, bouncing around like a soap bubble in a high breeze, but Val only laughed at her and tickled her into accepting a quick grooming. Amazingly enough, she only snapped at him once, for which she got a sharp fist right on the end of the nose. Dara could be very, very mouthy for a mare.
      Lexi had forgotten all about her state of dishabille until they'd gotten out into the crisp fall air. Dara's tail was over her back and her hooves striking sparks from the flagstones. "Will you settle yourself a moment," Val clucked at her and scratched her under the jaw. Her eyes closed in bliss and he grabbed Mele's reins.
      "Thanks," there was no doubt he was competent. Mele stood like a plowhorse even as Val subdued a mare with his other hand. Now all she had to do was convince Val he was competent.
     
      Val vaulted into the saddle with far greater ease than he'd ever managed before. Of course Dara reared before his butt hit the saddle. He laughed at her and her ears slicked back. The instant her front feet hit the ground, she bucked nearly as high. "Hush," he kneed her into a walk, hoping she'd not hurt herself on the stone pavers.
      Her mouth opened, working the bits nervously. "Easy, Dasha, easy girlie," he murmured into one back turned ear. Oh this was magnificent. Sleek muscles slid beneath his knees as she lengthened her stride into a Teke's long, gliding walk.
      Certainly he'd ridden horses of Dara's quality, but never so young and never in such a wonderful saddle. He could feel every movement she made through the perfectly constructed apparatus of wood and leather. He stroked her sleek neck, already becoming fuzzy with the onset of cooler weather.
      At last he turned to see what was keeping Lexi. She was looking right at him, smiling. "And?" He let Dara prance a bit, reveling in the slick, gliding on ice feel of a good horse ready to run.
      "You look good together," she picked up her reins. "I think Dara will be getting a bit more exercise."
      Val started to protest then held back his words. No, this was what he wanted. Dara was not a stupid mare, just underexercised! He could feel her quiver with explosive energy. "Me too." He said quietly.
      "Good, she needs it," Lexi breathed and let Mele walk out. "I couldn't find anyone to keep her worked."
      "Why not?" She wasn't that tough to ride. Val's weight shifted easily with her nearly desperate attempts to levitate. Her ears were flicking madly back and forth. "I know, Dasha. You're about to pop. Wait a bit, little black one. We'll run soon. I know your feet tickle. Mine do too sometimes." Speaking mush to the horses had been something Val'd always enjoyed. They never chided him for sounding foolish or childish.
      Her hooves made tight, clipping sounds even on the thick loam of the forest floor as they passed off the courtyard. Even though Val had utterly no idea what gait Dara was performing. It seemed to encompass all of them! He sighed and felt for her mouth. Of course she gaped and fretted. "Walk a bit more, my girl."
      "Do you want to do the track, or just go out?" Lexi waved her hand towards the safe, conservative path cut through the forest. There were no surprises on the path, unlike if Val decided to go cross country. With an unfamiliar mare, Val had to think about it.
      "The path," he said as Dara launched herself into the air, yet again. "Even though I bet I can beat you."
      "You're on," her eyes narrowed. "What's the forfeit?"
      This was something Val'd rarely thought about. Usually when he bet with his sibs, they'd traded chores. Then he realized if he was going to win, on a strange horse against the best horseman bar none in the Demense, he was going to be a snarled mess afterwards. "A backrub."
      "You're on," her laughter rang from the trees.
     
      If Mele hadn't bobbled the last fence, it'd be Lexi face down on her bed in the tiny room behind her office in the barn. As it was, Val had ridden a masterful race and beaten them by a respectable half length. Mele had landed in a heap and Dara had flown over the meter and half obstacle with the grace of a gyrfalcon.
      Val sighed and stretched his arms over his head. He still hadn't gotten the testosterone rush to begin growing hair anywhere but his head and the image of him nearly nude sprawled over her bed sent a shiver of foreboding up her spine. "If you want another forfeit?"
      "No," she reassured him, resting her palm on his lower back. His muscles were one large knot from his tailbone to the base of his skull. Her fingers dug in, searching for the worst snarls. Finally she got over her reticence and straddled his slender hips.
      He moaned and stretched out under her ministrations. The perfect triangle of his shoulders tapering to his hips was beginning to take form as maturity reshaped his body from childhood. He'd already lost all his baby fat in being so sick and the feel of his muscles moving so near his sleek skin was pure adult Sime.
      His tentacles came out and bunched the covers into little heaps with their idle motions. It was the first time Lexi had seen Val so relaxed in any way. Usually he only used the strong digits as extra fingers, without the extra gestures so common to Simes comfortable with their larity.
      "Did you want to be Gen?" She asked softly, trying to figure out where things had gone so wrong for the youngest son of Azov.
      "No, not really," he sighed, pushing the blankets around his hands some more. "I knew late last winter I'd change over this summer. It wasn't as if I didn't have the time to think about it."
      "But did you want it?" She worked her way up his back slowly, then reached for a bit of the warming oil she used on the horse's legs. The scent was even more familiar than her own. The sharp bite of mint and clove filled the air. "I'd known all my life I'd establish."
      "None of Karola's children knew for certain which way they'd go until maturity," he looked up at her out of the corner of his eyes. "Some of us could guess. I did. I think Ilyan did. We both began maturing a bit before it actually happened. Vayer nearly got himself dead because of it." His snort was rather acerbic.
      "After that little lats up, the rest of us were raised as if we'd go either way." His eyes closed again as Lexi dug into the knots beneath his shoulderblades. "Even though Arkay had a really hard time finding enough side saddles." His chuckle brought forth one of her own. She remembered when he'd come storming out to the barns and dug out all those old children's side saddles. The three younger boys, all aside, had been amazingly cute together.
      "I never knew Sevrin much." He sighed, muscles knotting up again.
      "He was a hard child to get to know," Lexi reassured him, resting on him with all her weight. His back popped and he groaned, all eight handling tentacles plucking at the blankets in mindless pleasure. "I taught him as well as you and Ilyan."
      "I do remember that," he sighed, settling down deeper into the straw filled pallet. "But he rather avoided the rest of us."
      "Sevrin avoided everyone," Lexi managed to pop another knot in Val's spine. This time his hips flexed with his groan. Curious, she noted his body was actually trying to respond sexually to her massage. Ascending him had done a world of good.
      "Unless they had a leather bound spine and parchment leaves," he nuzzled the blankets beneath his cheek. "I never did."
      "What were you good at?"
      "Being good," his shrug was deftly sinuous. "Obedience."
      "Anything else?" She really wanted to ask if there were anything productive he'd been good at. "Other than riding."
      He chuckled softly. "Good mare between my legs." If Lexi hadn't known better, she'd have said Val'd made his first off color joke! She squeezed his ribs with her knees. "Oof, make it so I can't breathe."
      "One way to get you to shut up ... if you ever decide to talk enough!" She let her field glitter with humor.
      "Point taken," he tried resting his head on his arm, grumbled about his tentacles getting in the way, and settled for his hand. "Well, if I'd turned out Gen, I'd have taken my father's place at the head of Azov's fiber arts." His sigh seemed to come all the way up from his toes. "Now I can't even sew."
      "Why not?" She'd always thought it silly the way some sharm lords panicked if a Sime touched a needle. Lexi'd often thought it'd be convenient to have tentacles when doing fine needlework. Or even better when weaving or making lace.
      "Like any Sharm Lord would want such competition," his lips turned down in the bitter grimace she'd learned to hate. "No, such things are behind me now."
      "My father made the saddle you rode on today," Lexi wished she could brush away the hurt she sensed in Val's field.
      "But that's not the same," he shook his head. "I like the bright colors and softness of embroidery and weaving." His sigh would have done Mele proud. "I suppose I could decorate saddle blankets."
      "Val, you can do what you want," she leaned down and nipped the back of his neck in remonstrance. His groan of pleasure with the gesture rocked the bed. "All you have to do is decide what price you're willing to pay."
     
      All Val could think of was Lexi's lean, but still Gen soft body resting on top of his. "True," he would have agreed with anything she said at the moment. Why couldn't it have been like this with Katrina? He'd have liked to enjoy at least one good transfer in his life.
      His curiosity had been piqued by listening to the renSimes gossip in the barns after their work shifts. Perhaps it had not been overly polite of him to eavesdrop, but he'd learned an amazing amount. Now it was all behind him. Sure he'd try, it was expected of him, but Valtanir seriously doubted he'd find someone in time.
      The sense of a clock ticking down made him uneasy, despite Lexi's masterful backrub. "I don't know if I'm willing to pay the price, Alexandrya," his tentacles were trying to twine over his ear and he shooed them away. What a nuisance they were sometimes.
      Lexi's finger stroked over one questing digit and he shivered at the intimate contact. "Then do you really want it?"
      "I guess not," he tried again to think of what he really wanted ... and could have. "I don't know Lexi," she seemed done, so he rolled over and looked up at her. "I like riding horses. I like embroidery. I like good food and cooking." He trailed off, looking into her rather sharp featured face. There was an unease about her and he feared he knew why.
      "Not very Siminine, am I?" He rested his hands on her thighs.
      "I wouldn't exactly say so in that position, youngster," a very faint reddish tinge came to her cheeks and she looked away from him.
      "I'm quite afraid my libido is still on back order," he gave her a wry grin, realizing he'd managed to get the alpha mare to blush. It got worse, even the tips of her ears turning Kirov red.
      "Both kinds?" Her hands clutched his.
      "Yes, I'm afraid," he snorted. "Maybe at least my transfer libido will come in before it kills me."
      "Hey," her hands went cold under his.
      "What you feed horses," he let her slide off him. "Did you really think I'm such an innocent to not know the mechanics of procreation?" He tickled her under the chin, making the euphemism into a joke.
      "There's a lot more to it than mechanics, Val."
      "A fair bit of acrobatics as well," he'd have never thought Lexi, of all people would be shy about sex, of all things. Even he'd heard of her romps through Azov's lords. It was said Azov's mare rarely stood for fewer than three lords in a season. This might have been exaggeration, but it was still telling. "Lexi, I'm playing."
      "You're too young!" Her wail was wildly out of character. Val sat up and put his arm around her shoulders.
      "Not with my parents," he shook his head. "All of us, at least once, had seen both nageric and sexual intercourse between humans by the time we were ten. Some people might consider that abusive. To me it was very little different than working in the breeding shed with Arkay. It's a part of life."
      "Maybe that's why you don't have any libido." Lexi's suggestion had some merit.
      "Thinking about it, no, not likely," he studied his now well calloused hands. "More that it doesn't scare me, the way I've heard it can scare some young people."
      "Transfer never scared me!"
      "Of course not, you're Gen," he rested his head on her shoulder. There was something wonderfully comforting about sitting here talking with someone who was neither a potential threat or potential partner. "I would have been scared out of my mind at first transfer if I hadn't known what was going on."
      "I've never quite understood that," she leaned back against him. Their hands twined on her lap. "Why would a young Sime be afraid?"
      "No matter how much preparation, it can't portray the reality of change over," he shivered again at the memory. "Yes, first transfer felt good, but the fear something would go wrong was overwhelming."
      Her free hand came up and turned his face to her. "You were afraid you'd make a mistake in change over?"
      "Isn't that stupid?" He looked down towards her well defined, well muscled forearms. "I knew exactly how it should go and kept bugging my mother for time ticks until she was ready to pound me into the floor."
      "Why, in the names of all the little blue and green gods?"
      Avilan's favorite amused curse made Val chuckle. "Because I wanted to do it right."
      "You mean you missed out on what should be one of the most incredible experiences in your life because you were fretting about what your parents would think?" Her voice rose with every word.
      "Well, yes," put that way, it was rather stupid and Val realized he'd screwed up in simply a different way. "My first transfer, even though Avilan enjoyed it, or so it seemed, was rather unspectacular. I had more fun the first time I was allowed to go ride off into the forest myself, or even the first time I was allowed to stay out alone overnight."
      "Valtanir, quit being such a prig," she shook him by his shoulders. "First transfer is supposed to be the most wonderful event in anyone's life. It's one of the few times where you're supposed to be catered to and cosseted."
      "I know that, and knew that, intellectually, but I wanted to help, not mess it up," he spread his hands in supplication. "I survived."
      "Val," Lexi had, for some unknown reason, gathered him into her arms. His mother had done so quite often in the last few months before his change over, and now he knew why, because she'd have to let him go soon.
      "You don't have to push me away later, Lexi," Val tentatively hugged her back. "I'm not going to get attached to you in any way which is inappropriate."
      "Maybe you should do something inappropriate in your life!" She actually nipped Val's ear and he yelped.
      "But someone might get hurt," which for him, was the ultimate argument. "Better a less spectacular transfer for me, than hurting someone. If I'd messed it up, all my family would have been hurt. No, I wouldn't have killed, but I might have given Avilan or even myself a sick headache which would have spoiled all my mother's plans for a party afterwards." He gulped back the choking sensation of tears yet again. He might not have gotten post, but he didn't have the nice emotion deadening of need either.
      "I thought you wanted the party," Lexi cocked her head at him.
      "Of course I did," his tentacles gave away the lie, as usual, hiding deep in their sheathes at his unease. "Maybe I should take the veil."
      "No," Lexi's hands wrapped around his forearms protectively, as if she were actually afraid he wanted to have his handling tentacles removed. It wasn't as if they were truly necessary.
      "If I went below, I could then do my embroidery and weaving," her pale hands blurred in his vision.
      "Please don't, Valtanir," her fingers stroked his tentacle sheathes so very gently his tentacles came out to investigate their new playmates. "I ... no ... it would be very hard on many people if you took the veil, but if you truly want to, I won't stop you."
      "No," he had to look away from their joined hands, even though he couldn't turn his attention away from the feel of her skin beneath his tentacles. "I couldn't ride if I were below."
      "And Dara would miss you," one of her hands disengaged and traced his hairline. It felt far better than it should and Val looked away. No, this was not good. His heart was pounding again and the delicate, sweet perfume of her skin was going straight to his head.
      "We can't have that," he met her eyes and grinned. "She's a great mare, Lexi. You did a wonderful job with her."
      "She'd not easy," Lexi finally chuckled and relaxed a bit. "I went through three assistants before I took over her training myself. Most of the mares are nowhere near as aggressive."
      "But now she's wonderful," Val let an appropriate distance return between them. He did not want to force the last person who'd talk to him to drive him away. No, if Lexi drove him away as well, Val would take the veil, for then he'd be more than alone in the world, he'd be bereft as well.
     

Chapter 3

      By the end of November, Azov's animal industries had been settled in for the long Russian winter. Both Lexi and Valtanir had managed to survive impersonal transfers, Lexi with her hair, Val with his sanity and now the winter winds were beginning to arrive out of the north.
      Lexi, still wearing her simple light coat, and Val, wearing fur already, had decided to take one last inspection tour of the paddocks.
      "Would you settle yourself," Mele was being a pain in the ass. His bugling call knocked the frost off the trees overhead. Half of it had to have gone down the back of Lexi's jacket.
      "He's ready for spring," Val's eyes were bright and cheerful, despite the horrible dark circles under them. "What's he like then?"
      "Worse," Lexi shook her head, and the reins. Mele snorted and jittered on the crackling ground. "Easy, my lad," her voice went tight with worry for a moment. Neither of them were used to the ice yet, much less the layer of snow already blanketing the meadows. Dara pawed, or at least tried to, despite the fact they were moving forward, more or less.
      "Settle my lady love," Val's cooing to his mare did nothing for Lexi's blood pressure. His voice was mellowing to a honey sweet tenor, even if it did break with predictable regularity. "I love thee my raven wing beauty," her ears flicked back to Val and she sighed. Lexi could sense Dara's brittle energy smooth out with Val's soft words.
      "She likes it when you talk to her like that," Lexi grinned at her young friend.
      "Oh," he ducked his head and of course Dara shied into an ice covered bush. "Yes, is there a stray pheasant you are wanting to find?" His nonsense made Lexi giggle, even though Dara preened under Val's renewed attention. "You can hear her?"
      "Yes," she admitted, not entirely sure why. Only a handful of people knew what the Azov gift had been, and the fact she'd gotten it from her father. "I can hear all animals, but particularly horses."
      "I'd always heard sharm lords had an interest in horses," his easy seat on his mare gave lie to his supposition it was only sharm lords. "I suppose next spring ... no ... I don't suppose I'll see next spring."
      "Why are you so hard on yourself, Val?"
      "Because I want to do the right thing," his automatic response made her teeth grate. "What, I shouldn't?"
      "You don't have to beat yourself up to do the right thing," she turned and looked him in the face again. His heavy coat was drawn close around it, protecting his fair skin from the harsh light reflecting off the ice and snow. "Relax, Valtanir!"
      He snorted and scratched Dara's neck. She stretched it out, pulling the reins through Val's hands, and then flipping them in the air. "Goofy girl," he chuckled and retrieved them.
      "Is she hurting anything with her nonsense?"
      "No," he began plaiting Dara's mane with his tentacles. "But she's a horse."
      "Don't you deserve as much respect and attention?"
      "I got a lot of attention last month," his teeth nearly cracked with how hard he locked his jaw. "Not something I want to repeat."
      "Then go to the dance with me tonight," she dared him to get out for once. He'd immured himself in the barns since his parents had chivied him out of the nest.
      "What a romantic proposal," Dara picked that exact moment to buck and Val spent a moment getting her attention back on him. "You are the most silly mare in all the world, my pretty raven feather. What do you have for brains, my lovely, black swan down?"
      Lexi giggled again at him.
      "If it bothers you," his mouth shut with a snap.
      "No, I like it," she said in a rush. Mele, of course, took his rider's distraction as an excuse to try to scratch her off on a tree. "Now you are a gold plated bastard whose brains I should have cut off years ago." His irritation was a spiky knot behind her eyes and it only got worse.
      "I'm sorry, Mele," she shook his crest. "I do love you my fine gold, but sometimes you are a pain in the ass." He shook out his mane and returned his attention to any possible threats beneath the skeletal birch and aspen trees.
      "See, I do it too," she kept scratching Mele's crest. The first hums of pleasure came to her as he relaxed into the caress.
      "What's he saying?"
      "That he'd like you to go to the dance tonight."
      "You lie, Alexandrya," Val laughed. "But yes, I'll go. Don't know what I'll do there, but I'll go."
      "I think you'll enjoy it," she herself was looking forward to it. Even if she didn't stand a chance at attracting any lord she'd even want to think of ascending and bonding, she'd at least get the chance to look over some new stock.
     
      "You didn't tell me the dance was at Fatima, or that it was formal," Val plucked nervously at the front of his heavily embroidered overtunic.
      "Hush, Val," she brushed imaginary lint off the garment she'd loaned him. Lexi was wearing a fantastic sharm lord's kador with scenes of a winter hunt embroidered on it. "You'll do fine."
      "I've never been to formal court," and he had no idea if he could get his laterals to come out in public. They never had before. He still had a hard enough time getting his handling tentacles to come out to his own father!
      "It isn't formal court, Val," she twitched straight the high collar. He wondered if she were trying to choke him. "You don't have to expose your laterals."
      "Thanks for telling me now," even though if he'd have thought of it, he'd have remembered that little fact. He pulled at the loop holding the front placard closed.
      "Don't fuss so," she wet her fingers and ran them through his short hair.
      "Who's fussing," Val winked at her, finally realizing what she was doing.
      "Oh," she sat on her hands. "I was not," the full moon reflected off the snow and cast heavy shadows over Lexi's face. "We'll be there soon."
      "It isn't like Fatima is so far away," in kilometers, if not in attitude. Azov was very low key, even at formal court. Fatima could be so elaborate and ornate, a single line of stitching could invite the wearer to a challenge.
      "That's why I thought you'd enjoy," were her last words as the carriage came to a clattering halt. Val stepped out and handed her down, as he'd seen his mother hand down his father hundreds of times. "Elegant," she murmured in his ear as he took her on his arm.
      "Azov's mares deserve only the finest of courtship," he rested his hand over hers, covering it completely. For some reason, he didn't even want her gloved hand showing to the guards at the door.
      "Lord Valtanir Azovich Azov and sharm lord Alexandrya Iliranova Azov request and require admittance," after his little contrempts with the sharm guards at Azov, he was taking no chances.
      "At your will, my Lords," both bowed elegantly and let them in without even a second zlin.
      "Amazing," Val muttered under his breath to his mentor.
      "Truly," her thrumming voice was richer than Val'd ever heard it. "So emphatic, m'Lord."
      He ruthlessly quashed his incipient blush, "It has been said I need someone to hold my dick when I take a piss."
      "Oh gods, Val," Lexi's hand clamped on his arm. He turned and saw her brightly painted eyes clenched shut. "Oh, yes," her shoulders started to shake. "Dark hair, brown eyes, about a fifteen?"
      "Yes," he growled, not sure if she were mad he'd picked on her friend, or laughing at his being picked on.
      "Nati's an imbecile. He's gate guard because he's too stupid to give transfers to renSimes. Can't even figure out which glove goes on which foot." Her chuckles were becoming louder. "He's jealous, Val."
      "Oh," was all Val could say. Then he laughed too. "I was so hurt. I thought he thought I was to spineless to do anything."
      "So did I," her smile reached her eyes behind her veil. There were already a few lines at the corners, but they only emphasized the health of her body from a life spent outdoors. "I learned better."
      "Only that I'm too soft?" Bitter humor tasted like gall, but it was better than turning morose.
      "Val," her hand gently squeezed his bicep. "No," she began walking towards the great hall again, perforce taking him with her. "Only as stubborn as Arkay and as sensitive as Avilan."
      "Oh," he was still trying to figure out this unusual comparison when they entered Fatima's great hall.
     
      The evening had started out so well! Lexi took another drink of her starka and began triaging the damage. "No, I don't know exactly what Sharm Lord Fatima's plans are next spring for Kirakush," she told the droning, ancient lord who was sonorously attempting to get under her kador. "If you care to speak with me after Year's Turning, I can get you an appointment." If she were in luck, the fossil'd be dead by then.
      "Oh, not necessary," again the hand came out and reached for hers. Lexi tried to take another swig of anaesthetic and then realized her glass was empty.
      "If you'll excuse me," she stood up. This was a mistake. The room swayed wildly about her.
      "Oh, I'll get you another one," lord whatshername reached for the glass. "What are you drinking?"
      "No, no," Lexi managed to avoid another grope and threaded her way towards the back of the crowd. The high pitched laughter of a group of very young adults made her stop in her tracks.
      In all five colors of the Demense, a group of sharm lords were knotted around a slender figure in Azov green and gold. Something told Lexi to wait.
      "And then, when he'd managed to pull a camel out of the fishpond, Sharm Lord Vassily proclaimed he'd seen everything," riotous laughter broke out at what was obviously the punch line to a long, convoluted Sharm Lord Vassily joke. Even as a young sharm lord, Lexi had never gotten the point of such jokes.
      They were often extraordinarily crude and revolved around Sharm Lord Vassily, a creation who was so stupid he had to have help putting on his shoes every morning. What was Val doing telling jokes to a whole mob of sharm lords? The skin on Lexi's scalp tightened as the knot of young people closed in on Val.
      "But do you really have to go back?" A flash of nager, bright white with youth flashed into the ambient.
      "I'm afraid so," Val's voice was the artificially smooth tone he sometimes used with the horses. The hackles on Lexi's neck went up. On silent feet, she approached the crowd. "Even though if ..." Lexi broke in.
      "Valtanir," she called out to him. The flash of relief was only visible to a Sharm Lord, but to her it was blinding even though her kador.
      "I'm sorry, it seems my companion requires me for something," he deftly slid through the crowd surrounding him. "Alexandrya?"
      "Could you get me another glass of starka?" She prayed with all her might he'd get the clue of her swaying gait. Even though how much of it was feigned and how much for real was beyond her at the moment.
      "Certainly," he took her arm and led her over towards the bar. "Two starkas, citron in mine, pepper in the sharm lords?"
      "Yes, thank you," oh gods, if she had to drink her way though another entire glass of the stuff she'd throw up. Her stomach was beginning to get a bit queasy anyways, what with the heat of the room and the way the tiles beneath her feet swayed. "Actually, on second thought, citron in mine as well." The renSime flicked a tentacle at Val. He nodded. At least the lemony taste would come back better.
      "Here, let's sit and watch the dancers," Val took her arm and escorted her to a number of chairs against the wall. Lexi took a sip of her drink and nearly spit it out. It was pure, sweet water with a touch of honey and lemon. Oh, bless you Val, she thought to herself.
      He winked and took her hand in his. "Are you not feeling well?"
      Lexi didn't really want to ruin Val's evening, but he didn't look too well himself. She sipped a bit more of her drink, but the damage had been done. "No, not really," she looked around. There was an alcove, with the distinctive edging on the tapestry over it indicating a restroom.
      "Let me help," he caught her elbow and neatly guided her into the room, without hurrying, but amazingly quickly. The instant the door closed behind them, he stripped off her veil. It was just in time.
     
      Valtanir saw this coming from the moment they'd gotten into the hall. The first thing Lexi'd done, was head for the alcohol. Most Russians drank, but he'd noted Lexi tended to overdo it a bit. He wiped her sweating brow clean, glad he'd put out the in-use warning on the door.
      If he had to, he could ensconce Lexi on the rather sorry pallet in the next room to sleep it off. At last she leaned back and Val handed her a damp, clean cloth. She wiped her lips and swallowed heavily.
      "Lets get you out of your kador while you have the chance," he undid the laces and removed the incredibly heavy garment. The instant he'd hanged it up, she began shivering. He stripped off his own overtunic, as he knew this might get messy at some point. "Oh, my poor little one," he put a warm, wool throw over her shoulders. "You'll be alright in the morning."
      "I was to take care of you," for some reason Lexi's speech never slurred, no matter how drunk she got. No wonder the barkeeps kept giving it to her. "Screwed up. Now you're not gonna take one."
      "No," he shook his head. The unweaned puppies he'd put up with until Lexi's reappearance had been worse than vile. There'd been no Katrina among their number, who'd at least been interested in something beyond transfer and fucking. All the sharm lords he'd met tonight had been pawing his nager before they even knew his name.
      "Fucked up again, I did," she clasped her arms to her middle. "No good for nothing, old Lexi."
      "Hush," Val took Lexi in his arms, as he'd always wished to be taken himself when he was upset. "Hush," he brushed her long hair back from her face.
      "Can't even get the most gorgeous young Lord in Russia laid," her drunken mutterings were hitting a bit close to home. "Can't have him m'self. Gotta get him a good one. Can you sing?"
      Before Val could answer, Lexi began making the most horrible, warbling sounds. Then he realized it was supposed to be one of Val's favorite ballads. Ouch. "Lexi," he had to get her to shut up!
      "Yes Val," her eyes were wide, with their unique gold green emphasized by her cosmetics. Then her face crumbled, "I tried Val." She wailed and buried her face against his chest. He held her against him and her tears soaked through his shirt before she finally fell into a heavy, drunken slumber.
     
      Lexi woke to the all too familiar sensations of a hangover. What was not familiar was the warm body curled around hers. A slender, fine boned Sime hand was draped over her hip. Usually she got drunk only when she was between partners. Most Simes wouldn't get within a hundred meters of a sick drunk.
      Which from the truly vile taste in her mouth, she'd been. Oh gods, her head. A tiny whimper skulked through the muck covering her tongue. The odd Sime muttered something soothing and nuzzled the back of her neck. Then a tiny nip sent fresh selyn burning through the trash coating her nerves.
      The world snapped into blinding focus and her stomach revolted entirely.
      "Easy," a soft, frighteningly familiar voice murmured in her ear. "You'll be all right now. Trust me, Lexi." The purring tones wrapped her whole body in the softest, warmest wool. "Yes, my Lexi." Another soft kiss and it was done.
      "I'd always wondered if that would work," at last Lexi recognized the voice and groaned. "You don't feel better?"
      "Val," Lexi cringed at the thought of what his family would say about this little incident. Lexi was a grown woman. If she did something stupid like get roaring drunk at a party, made herself sick, and dragged her ass in to work hungover to hell and gone the next day, it wouldn't be the first time. Val, on the other hand, was as innocent as the first snow of the year and shouldn't even have been exposed to a sick drunk, much less been coerced into sleeping with one.
      Wiping her face clean, and trying to clean up the worst of the damage to the pallet she'd slept on, Lexi levered herself upright. She felt better than she'd ever done the morning after the night before, but better still wasn't well. Lexi peered at the clock on the wall. It was nearly official dawn.
      "Yes, I didn't abandon you, Lexi," his voice had lost none of the honey warm richness it had held. Was this what Val would sound like to his lover when he finally found one? Lexi wasn't sure she wanted to know. "We can still make it home before anyone notices we're missing. Or we can send the carriage home and visit with Fatima for a while." His hand went cold on her shoulder with this.
      "No, let's go back to Azov," she turned and finally looked him in the eyes this morning. His face was drawn down hollow, with huge dark circles under his eyes and lines around his mouth. "You look like hell, Val."
      "You look worse, Lexi," he chuckled softly and tapped her on the nose. "I don't think anyone will give a damn if I bring you home naked," he pulled off her now filthy shirt and began washing her off.
      "I'm not a mare," she couldn't believe he'd just swabbed off her breasts with about as much attention as he'd have given a mare's teats!
      "Nope, horses can't vomit."
      Lexi flinched. Gods Val's sense of humor could be vile at times. Then she had to laugh. It was true. And she'd have felt even more self conscious if he'd made a big deal about it. The soiled bedding he shoved into the laundry chute, along with her shirt. "Hey, how will I get it back."
      "I'll buy you a new one, Lexi," he rummaged around in the closet attached to the room. After pulling out his overtunic and her kador, he tossed her a soft, blessedly lightweight robe. It wasn't a kador, as it didn't have the metal threads interwoven with the wool, but it would be warm and comfortable. "Put this on."
      "Why so bossy?" She was curious, as much as her still fuzzy head would allow.
      "I like it when I'm sick," he grinned at her rather sheepishly. "It makes me feel secure, as if the world isn't falling apart and I'm not going to die any minute. Silly I suppose, but then few people have ever thought I'd ever amount to much."
      "Hush, Valtanir," she shrugged into the robe and cupped his chin with her hand. "Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I don't know how I can ever repay you for tonight."
      "You don't have to," he looked up at her through devastating dark lashes. Gods he was a beautiful young man.
      "I want to," Lexi forced herself to do